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Thursday, June 25th, 2009
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I hate being sick. It makes me unhappy.
Eating things makes me short-term happy so I've been cramming my gaping maw with anything remotely edible in an attempt to feel better.
And I do feel better. For something like ten minutes and then I feel even worse because my sad, sad, flub-tacular body hates me even more now.
Cycle of anger!
The only readily available food happens to be the snack vending machine down the hallway. I alternate between penut m&ms and doritos.
LIFE UPDATE:
I hate it.
Ok. I don't really. It could be way worse.
Adam got a job as a camp counsler at the YMCA. He spent yesterday playing legos with 8 year olds that immediently loved him. After he played legos, he swam around with them in the pool.
Do you know what I did yesterday? NOTHING OF VALUE OR WORTH.
Blargh Blargh Blargh
My brain is leaking out of my nose.
I hate everything.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Do you know how I know?
Because during the team meeting, I got my safety and service award for 1 year.
It's a black teardrop. Ok. I guess maybe it is bitumen drop instead of tears.
Regardless, a teardrop-shaped pin with "1" in the middle.
I appreciate the gesture but a happier shape and maybe a lighter color would have been ...a bit not-so-depressing.
It's finally summer. Full, warm days and the sun has stopped setting. We sleep in twilight.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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My boss said that I speak confidently and present well.
That made me happy.
Maybe, after I do a couple more presentations, I'll write a thank-you email or letter back to Prof. Andrews and Anna.
***
So I wake up at 4:00am to get to the work-airport (different from the regular airport) for my flight to Calgary at 5:30am. I'm scrubbed and polished and packed with all the information I could throw together/absorb in three really, really long workdays.
The work-plane seats 8 and is beige leather with metalic-gold trim for the buckles and cup holders. It goes really fast since it's pretty much mostly composed of wings and engines.
I pass out on the plane. The fact that I can see what the pilots are doing is comforting. That and I think if stuff goes wrong, a smaller plane is easier to glide to safety. Hahaha. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.
I land in Calgary and practice my presentation at the starbucks near the OWNER-OF-MY-COMPANY building where the meeting is going to be held.
People probably think I'm really, really, really crazy. I don't care.
Head into the meeting and get really impressed by the people inside. Principal engineers. People who work on and manage projects in the billions of dollars. One guy who knows EVERYTHING geotechnically about EVERYTHING in western canada.
I have a small crisis. What am I doing there? Really? What the hell? I am not even worthy of being in the same building. They're level 99 and have maxed out all their geotech/mining stats. I am level 2 and armed with a +1 really nice looking black work-pants.
Haha. :P Nerd.
I come to realize that I don't stand there as an equal. Yet. I stand there as the next generation that will assume their roles more sooner than later.
I stand there as an information vampire. I will learn EVERYTHING.
I feel way, way, way better.
Get served breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, homefries).
My boss shows up.
Presentation intro by Project-reps.
Get served snack (didn't eat...I think this involved various cakes).
My presentation.
Started at around 10am and ended at around 3:30pm. With breaks for lunch (really nice soup and sandwhich wraps and spinach salad) and there was another snack (bags of chips and cakes and nuts).
The presentation was really intense. There was a lot of discussion.
"Three women in three months can't make a baby." - consultant response to project request for more people to do the necessary analysis to move the project forward.
It was good. I think. I don't know. No baseline.
What I do know:
- 5th Avenue Place by Calgary is a short walk away from what appears to be their Chinatown.
- I'd like to work for OWNER-OF-MY-COMPANY. That's mostly because of the snacks. That and man, what a power-rush to be told that your project has a 5 million dollar float.
- But at the same time, I'd like to stick to where I am because it's interesting projects and you're right there in the middle of it.
- Then again, if I go into consulting, I'd be able to get in on more design.
- Wait...if I was in consulting, I'd be doing lab testing and drill rig monitoring.
- Where I am is currently perfect for where I want to go.
- I want to go up up up up up. Haha.
- I should have brought a book or something for that plane.
What I want to know:
- Masters? PhD?
- MBA?
Got my eyebrows plucked. Looks awesome. I missed all the rugby practices for this week. I wonder if I can even play the game?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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I love presenting when I know what I'm talking about. It's really sweet to have the right answers for all the questions. Even sweeter if the answer is..."How awesome that you brought that up! We're going to cover that on the next slide."
That being said... I did not have all the answers when I presented to the Geotechnical Review Board two weeks ago. My bosses still said I did well. I can't really tell. I don't have a baseline.
I think I'm screwed for this Wednesday's presentation though.
An overview of the geotechnical issues on site when I've only been on site for a little over a year and I haven't run any slope stability on anything.
I haven't even finished the presentation. Screw pictures. I don't even know how to start ordering the information. Terrible. Terrible.
So here I am on a Holiday Monday.
On livejournal at work.
Booooo.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, August 11th, 2008
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Here!
Here!
READ ABOUT MY LIFE!
***
I bought a car.
It was a horrible experience littered with tears and anguished cries. But the car is totally mine and it is beautiful and I will take such good care of it and there is working air conditioning.
I locked myself out of the townhouse at 2am and had to crawl inside via my bedroom window.
It was a horrible experience littered with tears and anguished cries. But kind of funny (to me, anyway) when seeing it from the light of the next day.
I haven't kept up the lines of communication with so many people.
It is a horrible experience littered with apathy and laziness.
I cuddled with my cat. I made myself a cup of godiva hotchocolate (given as a present from a good, good friend) and sat propped up amongst pillows and listening to the rain. I was reading 2007's best Fantasy and Horror but gave it up for some internet.
This is ok. I shouldn't have had those jalepeneo chips but whatever.
Adam came to visit.
That was wonderful. We fought a little at the end but that got cleared it up. We fought because we love each other. The regular rules for other people don't work when applyed to someone you really care for. It's like a bizzarro backwards world. The stuff that normally wouldn't matter if it came out of anyone else, matters when it comes from him. The stuff that normally would matter doesn't, when it's said by him. Fascinating.
I made an apple pie and a bacon-chedder-broccolli quiche. Both of which my roommate said tasted good. Maybe a bid for peace in the house? I like the quiche. I thought the pie not sweet enough (but consistency and texture-wise, very good). My favorite part is, and always will be, the storebought crust.
***
Carry on.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I want to spend my money. I have all this money.
There is no where to spend it.
This is retarded.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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The weather is so nice here.
The sky is almost perpetually this ridiculously clear blue with these perfectly shaped cotton-candy clouds in the clearest of bright white. The days stretch out long past 11pm (this, of course, does not bode well during the winter) and the sunsets are gorgeous. When talking to my dad earlier, I kept going on and on and on and on about how lovely it all was and how you could see the sky changing and turning and the color bleeding down so gradually.
Then I came to the thought that the sky could also be like this in Ontario. Maybe I just couldn't really see it since the buildings were much, much taller and denser than here.
Also, there is barely any humidity.
Speaking of my dad...in the past three weeks, I've talked more to my dad than in the past fuck knows how many years.
Isn't that lame? That I'd have to move almost across the country to open up lines of communication?
Apparently, he's pleased as punch that:
a) I have my own office
b) I'm getting paid as much as I am
c) I'm doing "engineering work"
I am pleased that he's pleased as punch.
So Fort McMurray. What is there to say next to the weather?
1. The (one) library isn't that bad.
2. I've eaten more than I probably should have. And I haven't really exercised as much as I should have and I am rounder. I eat my feelings and I had a lot of feelings to eat during the first couple days. I had myself a right proper pity party on the plane trip.
I miss Adam and Fatty so much. Fatty a little bit more than Adam because I'm pretty confident that Adam remembers me and still loves me. But Fatty!! Fatty might have forgotten me! My darling, round, fuzzy kitty-buddy! I might come back and he might not remember who I am and may hiss and may love instead Adam!!! Noooo!
When I left, the last thing I saw in the apartment was Fatty sitting in the living room, staring at me as I closed the door. I am almost tearing up just thinking about that now.
I couldn't read a Margret Atwood short story because one character's cat got hurt (stuffed in a trash can) by another character. Had to close the book.
3. The transit system has pretty extensive routes. Due to this, a distance that can be traveled in 10 minutes take 30.
4. There's a lot of trucks. Well...relative to what I'm used to.
5. The shuttle bus service to and from site is awesome.
6. The work is good (thus far). The people are nice (from what I've seen).
7. I need to get a car. To get a car I need to transfer my license. To transfer my license I need a permenant address. I probably won't get a permenant address until, at earliest, late July. Then I need to get insurance and ...well...a car. Fuck. This sucks and is complicated.
(Aside: a quick search on flickr shows that there are other cats named Fatty)
8. I am looking forward to going to that party and hanging out with people.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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To the people I didn't say goodbye to,
I hate doing it. So I didn't. I'm sorry.
I would have started crying anyway since I'm a huge baby.
Ana
So...it's so bright up here and dry. My temporary residence is quite nice and smells of maid service.
I should go call people but social interactions with sort of strangers cripples me. It's just so much easier to sit around and watch the cable.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 26th, 2008
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Thursday, April 24th, 2008
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an undergraduate civil engineering degree is way more lucrutive than I had originally been led to believe
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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final thesis count:
33 pages (27 if you take out the abstract, acknowledgements, references, table of contents, list of figures, list of tables)
6419 words
21 references
4 tables
10 figures
2 job offers (1 if you discount the old PEY job who I also used for the thesis)
1 kind of fight with adam
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
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I may be leaving Toronto soon. I'm still wiffling and waffling over it but, in the end, I think I'm heading out.
So...I didn't expect this but now I'm getting really, really choked up. I'm going to miss Toronto a lot. I may have lived (e.g. place of residence) in Mississauga but I've been going to school in some section of Toronto since grade 5. I've been taking the subway since I was 10. I went to highschool at Bay and Wellesley and then to the university just across Queen's Park.
I haven't done a lot of what Toronto has to offer just because...you know...that "oh. I can do it later." thinking. Or..."that's for lame tourists."
I don't want to do all the stuff as a tourist. I want to do it as a resident. So the two weeks I've got between exams and work, I'm going on a I-love-you-toronto-I'm-going-to-miss-youuuuuuuuu epic tour.
Places I've never been but would like to go before I leave:
Casa Loma. CN Tower. Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament. The Ceramic Museum. Get on top of the Queen's Park Horse (unless it's a memorial to veterans and if it is boy howdy do I feel bad)
Places I've been but want to go again before I leave:
All the emotionally significant subway stops (Bay Station - Highschool, Bathurst Station - Adam, Eglington Station - Elementary as well as the first time I've gazed and sniffed the glory that is cinnabun)
The first place I had sushi (didn't know what the fuck to do with that soup)
Queen's Park. The Toronto Reference Library. St Micheals Cathedral. Lakeshore.
The first place I had shawarma (amazing) and the first place I had baklavah (like drops of distilled perfection placed upon my heart, hands, and eyes).
Eatons Centre. The Velvet. Big Fat Burrito.
All the places I've lived... from St. Hilda's to Tartu to that place with that horrible woman along Bay to Maggie and Becca's to the Augusta houses to here on St. Clair.
St. Joseph's hospital.
Robarts. Lillian H. Smith. The Indigo in Manulife (first place I read manga).
Frans. The Royal.
I'm going to visit SJCS (highschool) to drop by and see if Mr. English Teacher can make it to the party. It'd also be interesting to see if the mural I painted with Kristine is up somewhere.
The ROM. The AGO (I've spent at least two summers volunteering there...sweet, sweet air conditioning and free, free art). The Bata Shoe Museum. One last Afternoon Tea with Emily. Hang out with Kristine.
Hanging out with the Fish Platters. Baldwin. Chinese bun stores.
Queen's Park. Tacos el Asador. Korean Walnut place.
Yonge Street. Bay Street. Front Street. (Scariest thing I've ever done was rollerblade from Wellesley to Front along Bay during rush hour when I was in highschool with Rhodessa on probably the shittiest of the shittastic rollerblades ever. Two cars barely missed me and I wiped out I think before Dundas.) Spadina (first place I had dumplings apparently is infested with rats).
Kensington Market. Used Book stores (where they used to be and where they still are).
Dufferin. Brock Avenue. Queen's Street. High Park.
A lot of what I describe involves food or past romances.
It's going to be an enjoyable but sort of pathetic time going around to all these places.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 17th, 2008
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...because whoever is reading this...this is what you really want. I'm sure.
The Good:
* Honor roll for last semester. I was apparently the smartest civ-enviro student. I had to reread that a couple times and I figured that, you know, the school was just being really nice and they just write that for every letter. But not so when I was asked about it later. There is, in fact, a second place and third place smartest civ-enviro.
The capability pool for the civ-enviros has just gone down down down.
The Bad:
* This semester is not going as well and I'm going through a lot of highs and lows about it. Some times I figure that I'm ok and my head is above water. Other times I'm pretty convinced that I'm going to be that statistical anomoly that actually gets failed out in fourth year. If I think about it too much I get worked up and start crying. Adam had to sit and pat my head and give me an awesome pep talk while I got snot all over my face last night.
The thing is though, I can't tell if I actually am ok or if it's all going to shit. I'm so up close to everything and I can't seperate the crazy defeatest fantasies from realty.
The Reason:
* Fuck you internet TV. Fuck you.
* Fuck you weak self-control.
The Outcome:
* I'm going to study my non-existant balls off and rock the exams of these fucking retarded courses that I am taking just because (municipal and transport from third year since I flexed everything all around).
School misc:
* Finished my thesis presentation today. I was told by three professor's that it was pretty good. Again, they may just be being nice. There was one guy there who kept shaking his head while I was talking. Who the fuck knows?
* Completely fucked up a rock engineering report. That is the exam to study balls off. Balls. Off. BaaaaaaaLLlllllllsssSSSSSS.
Work misc:
* got job interviews. don't have job promises. I don't care at this point. I'd rather just graduate. You know...if given a choice between garunteed graduation or garunteed job, I'm going to go with graduation.
* Oil Sands? Work for Syncrude? Dan said: "All you have to spend that money on is hookers, blow, and long distance phone calls." to which I replied: "Oh! Then I'll give you a call the first time I'm doing a line off a hooker's..." and then I tailed off since we were in the thesis presentation room at the time.
Life misc:
* Tall skinny cinnamon dolce latte. I'm very close to just injecting into my veins. My brother lectures me on how this is bad. But....but....it's so...good.
* I have a fat fat fat cat who I love so much is a bit sickening. I don't think I've loved something so much that hasn't been able to talk back. Sometimes I pick Fatty up and the urge to squish it with my love is so strong. So fat so fat fat fat fat fat. So soft and fat and lskfdmn as.kdfjna,njf a I want to squish him so bad but that'll hurt him and he'll bite my face.
* house is filthy
* my posture sucks
The Debut:
* My mom's getting a banquet hall to celebrate my graduating (and Patrick graduating from highschool and my parent's anniversary and yeah everything else why not).
- theme: blue and gold (suits St. Mike's and engineering I guess)
- food: roast beef...seasoned vegtables
- sweet table: caaaaaaakkkkeeee
Ridiculous? Slightly.
She's just getting so darn excited about it though. I don't have the heart to say: "Hold up. No good." since a graduation ceremony is more for the parents than the kid. The kid is happy just seeing the PASS on the transcript.
So who to invite? My mom seems to think that I know/care enough about around 30 people to invite them to something as somewhat potentially embaressing as this.
There may be a video slide show of my life to some maudeline tune...."You never knew you were my heeeeerrrrrooooooo!!!" There may be some choreographed dancing ('cause how is this a Pastolero formal party without??).
So...
So...
The aunts are coming.
From the Philippines.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
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when mom comes back from Philippines remember to ask her how to make:
a) pimento cheese (shit it's been a while...fuck that'll taste sooooo good)
b) cantelope juice
c) ground meat/potato/tomato spread thing on baked eggplant
d) coconut curry soup
e) mongo
....
...
ask for cookbook
hungry
also: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/07/58-japan/ = hilarious and depressing (I am so white. So very, very white.)
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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The Best Things Ever:
1. Having someone who completely understands you
2. Cows that actually say "Moo" when you "moo" at them.
3. Being able find the perfect, witty response to everything someone says to you
4. Finding other people's notes on the sidewalk
5. Finding out that the person you've had a crush on for a month has had a crush on you for three months
6. Snuggling, warm in bed, all day
7. Being outside at night when it's the perfect temperature
8. Finding out that every time you reach into your pocket, you find another $100 bill.
9. Discover that you can stop time at will
10. Being able to teleport anywhere you wanted just by willing yourself to
11. Being able to read minds...AND being awfully good looking.
12. Finding a lamp with a genie who offers you three wishes, and you CAN wish for more wishes.
13. The perfect comeback at exactly the right moment
14. Coming up with fast and witty comebacks, the kind Winston Churchill came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.
15. Victory. Sweet Victory.
16. Two million dollars and ten cents.
17. Seeing that every car in your turn lane has their flashers in sync.
18. Having a Zepplin you could live in, in the sky. And it can be as big as you want, like a total floating castle. Zepplins rule.
19. The person you have been passionately in love with telling you that it's mutual
20. Discovering instant teleportaion and not telling anyone
***
I don't know why that all makes me so sad.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
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made soup
ate too much soup along with two pieces of white toast slathered with maragarine
feel kind of gross but not gross enough to contemplate the angel food cake I bought earlier today (bleated happy birthday cake).
speaking of birthday...
I am 24.
I went out for hotpot with the family (Patrick complaining the entire time that it was too complicated and goddamit I pay for people to cook my food aaaarrrhhhhhhhggg) on Sunday.
I went out for ribs with Adam on Monday. It was awesome. The potato salad was great but the coleslaw was dissapointing. Adam said the biscuit was nothing to write home about either. I forgive it all since the meat made me happy. I really like ribs.
I did ALL the laundry today. (came to like 6 or 7 loads. CRAZY~~~!!!!)
I also did the dishes.
I watched the new fat cat (birthday present from Adam) get hissed/glared at by Catmeat.
I've been trying to figure out what to name the new fat cat.
Tubbo.
Tubby.
Fatty.
Fatso.
Two-bags-of-rice. (my mom's comment when I told her that new cat was ~20lbs)
Lardo.
Forrest. (as in Gump...Adam and I were commenting on how dumb he looked but in that loveable, nice kind of way)
Gigantor.
Mr. Whiskers.
Jacob.
Basil.
Miyawok the second. (Miyawok was the name of my Lola's cat and was so named because that was the sound the cat would make. This cat doesn't really do that but I think the name is funny.)
Cat. (probably what I will call the cat in the end regardless)
Neko-chan. (AHAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Adam would kill me in my sleep.)
Pusa.
Diego. (which would sort of be disrespectful since this is the name of my late great-uncle)
Cat-cat.
Meow-meow.
Pussy. (so I can do those funny bits of Mrs. Solocombe from Are You Being Served?)
Mr. Peacock. (from Are You Being Served?)
The Cat With No Name. (he's not Clint-Eastwood-tough though)
Cake.
Sushi.
Steak.
Marble Rye. (he's white and black. I could put some red and white felt ontop of him and then he can become a lox and cream cheese sandwhich.)
Sleepo McSleepsalot.
Mini-ana.
Cheesecake.
Cake.
I think "Cake" is a good name.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 28th, 2008
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what will fix this?
- snickers bars in excess
- studying a lot
- mix of both
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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